Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Craziest Thing Happened to Me During Rigel VII's Previous Light-Cycle!

So there I was during Rigel VII's previous light-cycle, just minding my own business, when you WILL NOT BELIEVE what happened to me! It was crazy!

Well, it had been a weird light-cycle to begin with! First, my holo-keys were totally missing. I make a HUGE deal of putting them into this really cool hollowed-out Xenomorph skull that I keep right by my teleport pad, because then I can drop them off as soon as I get home, and then pick them up super easily on my way to get demolecularized to work! So I got up, took my slime bath underneath the UV lamp, and then went to go to work--but my holo-keys? TOTALLY MISSING. That never happens! So I knew something was up right then, and I knew that William Thomas Riker was probably behind whatever it was. That guy's such a jerk.

I found my holo-keys a few minutes later, though, so that wasn't a huge deal, and maybe William Thomas Riker (CURSED BE HIS NAME!) wasn't behind it... this time. (CURSED BE HIS NAME!)

But THEN the teleport pad was malfunctioning! Sometimes it does that and you have to jiggle the plasma-lever. The Mighty Emperor Klaktu lowered himself to attempting this course of action, but, as you humans say, "no dice." (I said that correctly, yes? Or is it "No die"? Your crude Earthling languages are maddening! DICE? DIE!) So I decided to give it a few minutes--maybe it just needed to warm up?--and instead, spend some time relaxing before work in my elaborate torture dungeon, which is takes up the entirety of Sub-Level X475 of my famed and feared doom-castle.

On the way there, I walked through the kitchen--only to see Crantos, my latest juvenile hatehound from Vespilon Prime, doing his best to dig into the bowl of Hantarian rat-shark eggs I'd left on the counter! I did not capture the moment on 4D-vid (ALAS!), but this human video, provided your pathetically primitive mind can make sense of it, should give you some hint of what it looked like. Just imagine this creature with crystalline venom-talons and spine spikes.

Oh, how I laughed! Then I ate Crantos and decided to take a sick day.

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